As a parent I spend a lot of time attempting to teach my children how to share, teaching them that sharing is important and necessary. Unfortunately I forgot to tell them that some things do NOT need to be shared. These things include bodily functions and your germs.
My children have recently chosen to share their germs with me.. resulting in a rather nasty cold. So thank you offspring.. but next time, keep it to yourself!


Yarn balls and a dark box.

My weight loss journey is currently on hold.. I am trying not to let things blow out… but other things have made themselves a priority.
The main aspect of this is my mental health. I have been living with depression and a dissociative disorder for many years, both of which have their roots in events that began 30 years ago.
The last 9 months or so have been traumatic for me, starting with the loss of my dear dear friend Sofie, who I wrote about last year. Since then there have been several more losses, both for me and for those who are close to me and mean a lot to me. All of these passings have been difficult, shocking and unexpected. The one that I might have expected has not occurred as yet (my dear grandfather who has terminal cancer).
All of this has caused a relapse of my depression, which I pretty much had under control and well managed.
Depression is a difficult thing, but it is also interesting. As part of my treatment I see a wonderful therapist, someone I have been seeing on and off over the last 6 years or so. In my last session I was talking about the world inside my head as a way of trying to understand where I am and where I need to go.
Hence the title of this post.. yarn balls and a dark box.
I am currently in the dark box. Inside with me are all the tools and tips and tricks I have learnt over the years to manage my depression. None of them seems to currently be able to crack the box open. Eventually one will get it open and then the work really begins.
Outside the box is a world populated with giant yarn balls, massive tangles that need unknotting in order to move forward. Some are fairly easy to sort out, but others are complex and tiring and difficult. Sometimes it gets so hard that the dark box looks very attractive. Things are simple in there.
Over time I progress forward and I begin to feel ‘better’ and begin to relax. Then I glance over my shoulder and it is right there.. the dark box. No matter how far forward I feel I have moved.. it is just there.. beckoning, calling. And then I look forward and I recognise yarn balls I already untangled.
If the outside world is going well, then I can knuckle down and keep moving forward.. but if things go crazy, or bad things happen, then the box looks more attractive than ever. I figure I can just duck in there and rest up.. but this is a mistake. Things might be simple in the box but it is enervating. And the yarn balls grow and tangle while I am in there.
Sometimes I get so tired, so drained, so unhappy in my head.

Weeks 4, 5 and 6

Oh dear, I have been slack!
Apologies to those who were waiting on the next instalment of my weight loss journey.
At the time of writing this I have had my 6th weigh in and am currently 120kg, so a loss of 9.5kg since I began. I was surprised I lost anything this week as I haven’t been exercising as recommended, nor have I stuck to my diet. I frankly have had a very bad week with my depression.
The week before I didn’t have a loss or a gain, which I put down to getting an Elliptical trainer from a friend – I’m pretty sure I put on muscle mass, which we all know weighs more than fat.
This last week has not been easy, and there have been times I have eaten things in excess or things I shouldn’t really eat.. like chocolate mousse cake. However, the cake was for my son’s birthday and one of my other kids made it.. so I think it was only fair LOL.
Easter is also not helpful. All that chocolate everywhere you go. I’m a chocolate addict, so this is a bit like sticking an alcoholic in a brewery. I did have some chocolate, but I specifically bought dark chocolate, partly for its ‘health’ benefits and partly because I can only eat a little at a time without feeling sick!
But I am still on track. Bumps and hurdles are expected and managing them effectively is all I can do.
Thank you to those who are helping me and supporting me on this journey.