A farewell.. of sorts.

This is the final blog post for this blog.

It isn’t my final blog post ever, just for this blog. I am trying to streamline my life more, and this means cutting back on certain things. So I have decided to only have one blog. Much as I like the WordPress for many things, Blogspot suits my needs more. And no I’m not going to pay to self host WordPress. :)

So, if you would like to continue to read my sporadic ramblings be sure to follow me at my other blog.

Orthodontic Overture

Dentists… an interesting breed. I had the ‘joy’ of spending an extended period of time at a dental hospital recently whilst my son had bands put on his teeth.

It happens to be a teaching hospital. You see students scurrying around learning the dental trade, whilst senior dentists instruct on everything from procedures to patient care.

Dental nurses seems to be so clued into their assigned Dentist that they know which tool is needed before it is needed. And all around there is the subtle undercurrent of fear and distaste from the multitude of patients, who mainly happen to be quite young (at least in my terms – teenagers are young).

But these dentist, orthodontists, dental technicians, dental nurses etc are dedicated. You can see they want the best for their patients, that they know the fear just the word ‘dentist’ has for some people.

Why is it that we fear them so much? Women happily present themselves to have hair violently ripped from their bodies, but will avoid sitting in a dentist chair. Men revel in slamming bodies together on the sporting field, but quake in the face of a tiny drill.

Let’s face it.. it happens inside your mouth.. the place you eat, breathe and drink through. The thing you use to talk. Inside your skull. Pain inside your head is awful. Having people inflict pain inside your head is horrible. But honestly, not seeing a dentist is worse.

Bad teeth can add to other health risks, increasing infection rates. Surgeons will refuse to operate on a patient with rotting teeth because of the infection risk.

So we all need to man up and face the guy with the big moving chair… or find a way to minimise necessary visits. Brush, floss and have regular check ups. Go on… all of you…. but not me… scares the beejeebers out of me!

Sharing

As a parent I spend a lot of time attempting to teach my children how to share, teaching them that sharing is important and necessary. Unfortunately I forgot to tell them that some things do NOT need to be shared. These things include bodily functions and your germs.
My children have recently chosen to share their germs with me.. resulting in a rather nasty cold. So thank you offspring.. but next time, keep it to yourself!

Yarn balls and a dark box.

My weight loss journey is currently on hold.. I am trying not to let things blow out… but other things have made themselves a priority.
The main aspect of this is my mental health. I have been living with depression and a dissociative disorder for many years, both of which have their roots in events that began 30 years ago.
The last 9 months or so have been traumatic for me, starting with the loss of my dear dear friend Sofie, who I wrote about last year. Since then there have been several more losses, both for me and for those who are close to me and mean a lot to me. All of these passings have been difficult, shocking and unexpected. The one that I might have expected has not occurred as yet (my dear grandfather who has terminal cancer).
All of this has caused a relapse of my depression, which I pretty much had under control and well managed.
Depression is a difficult thing, but it is also interesting. As part of my treatment I see a wonderful therapist, someone I have been seeing on and off over the last 6 years or so. In my last session I was talking about the world inside my head as a way of trying to understand where I am and where I need to go.
Hence the title of this post.. yarn balls and a dark box.
I am currently in the dark box. Inside with me are all the tools and tips and tricks I have learnt over the years to manage my depression. None of them seems to currently be able to crack the box open. Eventually one will get it open and then the work really begins.
Outside the box is a world populated with giant yarn balls, massive tangles that need unknotting in order to move forward. Some are fairly easy to sort out, but others are complex and tiring and difficult. Sometimes it gets so hard that the dark box looks very attractive. Things are simple in there.
Over time I progress forward and I begin to feel ‘better’ and begin to relax. Then I glance over my shoulder and it is right there.. the dark box. No matter how far forward I feel I have moved.. it is just there.. beckoning, calling. And then I look forward and I recognise yarn balls I already untangled.
If the outside world is going well, then I can knuckle down and keep moving forward.. but if things go crazy, or bad things happen, then the box looks more attractive than ever. I figure I can just duck in there and rest up.. but this is a mistake. Things might be simple in the box but it is enervating. And the yarn balls grow and tangle while I am in there.
Sometimes I get so tired, so drained, so unhappy in my head.

Weeks 4, 5 and 6

Oh dear, I have been slack!
Apologies to those who were waiting on the next instalment of my weight loss journey.
At the time of writing this I have had my 6th weigh in and am currently 120kg, so a loss of 9.5kg since I began. I was surprised I lost anything this week as I haven’t been exercising as recommended, nor have I stuck to my diet. I frankly have had a very bad week with my depression.
The week before I didn’t have a loss or a gain, which I put down to getting an Elliptical trainer from a friend – I’m pretty sure I put on muscle mass, which we all know weighs more than fat.
This last week has not been easy, and there have been times I have eaten things in excess or things I shouldn’t really eat.. like chocolate mousse cake. However, the cake was for my son’s birthday and one of my other kids made it.. so I think it was only fair LOL.
Easter is also not helpful. All that chocolate everywhere you go. I’m a chocolate addict, so this is a bit like sticking an alcoholic in a brewery. I did have some chocolate, but I specifically bought dark chocolate, partly for its ‘health’ benefits and partly because I can only eat a little at a time without feeling sick!
But I am still on track. Bumps and hurdles are expected and managing them effectively is all I can do.
Thank you to those who are helping me and supporting me on this journey.

Week Three Check In

Here I am after my third weigh in. Did I lose any weight? Did I put weight on? Had anything changed?
Good news is.. yes I lost weight.. another kilo! I am now 123kg (according to the scales at home.) I had a doctors appointment today, and when I told her I had lost over 5kg she was shocked that I had lost so much in 3 weeks. It is not often I surprise her! She had some lovely vampire blood test results for me. Unfortunately these were not all good. My sugar levels are fine, as are my iron and a few others things. But my Vitamin D levels are a little low.. more sunshine for me. My cholesterol is a bit on the high side, with low levels of the good bits. My triglycerides are high too.. which is apparently tied to sugar. I do not really add sugar to much, so I can only assume this is due to sugar in foods, like bread.
I will redo these tests in 6 months and we will see how it is going.
I am very happy with the weight loss, especially as this was a very tough week where I felt emotionally battered and drained. I am very proud of myself for avoiding my usual comfort eating, choosing instead to snack on healthier options.
Now we head into Week 4.

Weigh In Week 2

Im a few days late with this post. Life gets hectic… ok, I got sucked into Fable 2! Anyway, I am finally here.
Monday was my second weigh in. I went with what the scales at home said, which would make my weight 124kg. This means I lost 1.5kg last week. This is actually quite impressive to me, considering the week I had.

On the Wednesday I found out that a doctor I had a few years back ended his own life. This came as a huge shock. This doctor, Paul Lehmann, had a huge impact on my life and the life of my family.
When I first met him he was pretty much fresh out of medical school. He was probably the youngest doctor I had ever seen. One of the first things I noticed was that he knew how to type, and not that one finger deal the older doctors were doing. And he wasn’t watching his fingers. Funny how you remember little things.
What he did for me was diagnose my PND. I had probably had it since I had my twins back in 1995, but it wasn’t diagnosed until after I had my fourth son in 2000. He helped me get the help I needed and for that I will always be grateful.
When my partner hurt his back at work a few years later he was unhappy with the response of the first doctor he went to. So I recommended Dr Lehmann to him as someone who would listen and take action. The first doctor had handed him a script for painkillers and told him to rest for 6 months. Dr Lehmann explored other medical treatments and helped him get a proper diagnosis. He also stood up for him in meetings with Work Cover (notorious for not taking the ‘client’s’ needs into account). Unfortunately my partner’s back injury has not been resolved, but it is certainly better than it would have been, thanks to Dr Lehmann.
Dr Lehmann was a fierce campaigner for Mental Health services, and is considered the reason behind one of the biggest injections of funds into the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service in South Australia.
What wasn’t known as much is that he battled depression himself. Even with all his knowledge, and his intelligence when he was in the darkest depths of depression he could not see clearly and acted in a way he would not normally.
He was a wonderful man and doctor and will be sorely missed. His funeral was yesterday, and it was standing room only, and very moving. I extend my deepest condolences to his family and friends.

It has been a sad week for many around me, and for me myself. However, I did not use this as an excuse to over indulge. I did eat a bit more on a couple of occasions, but stuck to ‘healthier’ options. I noticed another physical sign of changing size too, my bras fit better (probably too much information LOL). I also bought myself some new sneakers which make walking a lot more comfortable.

Now we face forward towards another week. Until then – ciao!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.